October 1, 2020 || San Francisco, California

The popular website Reddit today issued a nationwide recall of its comments section. Reddit administrators cited "toxicity, misinformation, and general awfulness" as the reasons for the recall.

"We had hoped that by providing a platform for open discussion, we were enabling genuine debate and …

WASHINGTON, March 7 - Shock waves reverberated through the crypto community today following the release of a classified FBI report. The document concludes that the Earth itself is little more than an elaborate conspiracy to generate profits from the Bitcoin blockchain.

"After a two-year investigation, we have found no conclusive evidence …

September 15, 2020 || Cape Crozier, Antarctica

In a shocking discovery, scientists observed pygmy penguins using fire at their Antarctic colony. The penguins were not only controlling fire, but they were using it to forge tools and cook their food. "This is an extraordinary and unprecedented discovery," said lead researcher Dr …

SAN FRANCISCO, March 9 - A little-known photographer today sold exclusive rights to an image capturing the precise moment one Bitcoin reached a value of $1 million. However, the photo's unwitting subject, a man yawning at a cafe, seems utterly oblivious to his place in cryptocurrency history.

The image shows the …

Vatican City - In an unexpected announcement today, Pope Francis announced that he would be canceling public Sunday Mass in order to focus on day trading stocks of viral internet memes. According to the Pope, "The potential profits from trading these assets during their exponential growth phases are simply too compelling …