Scientists Make Breakthrough In Nuclear Fusion, Accidentally Create New Cryptocurrency

August 22, 2022 - Geneva, Switzerland: In a shocking discovery, researchers at CERN announced today that they have achieved controlled nuclear fusion, but only after accidentally creating an entirely new form of cryptocurrency.

The team was able to sustain a fusion …

Springfield, USA (January 9, 2021): A local teen is devastated after accidentally bricking his PlayStation 4 while attempting to mine cryptocurrency on the console. Billy, 15, had heard about others earning free crypto by harnessing the processing power of gaming rigs and wanted to give it a try. However, after …

July 23, 2021 - Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Teenager Finds Missing Link Between Humans And Mermaids

In a shocking discovery, 15-year-old Samantha Jacobs claims to have found fossil evidence proving that mermaids, or mythological creatures that are half-human and half-fish, really existed. Jacobs unearthed a bizarre skeleton while beachcombing at Cape Cod …

December 12, 2021 - Onion News Network HQ

Time Traveler From 2045 Says Bitcoin Will Hit $3.6 Million This Year

In a shocking claim, John Smith, a man claiming to be from the year 2045, has predicted that Bitcoin will reach an astonishing $3.6 million per coin by the …

November 25, 2X21 - Time Travel Agency Annex

A purported time traveler from the 47th century issued a warning today about the devastating effects of non-fungible tokens (NFTs) on the environment. "In my timeline, runaway NFT speculation and blockchain proliferation have caused an ecological catastrophe," said the traveler, who refused to …