Time Traveler From Year 5000 Warns We Must Ban Bitcoin Immediately

New York, NY - December 1, 2021: A shocking warning about the future of cryptocurrency came today from a time traveler claiming to be from the year 5000. The traveler, identifying himself only as Bor-Gul, announced that in his time period, Bitcoin and other digital currencies have taken over the global economy and brought human civilization to its knees.

According to Bor-Gul, in 5000 AD Bitcoin has become the world's dominant reserve currency and the mining process consumes so much computing power that entire planets are dedicated to cooling rogue black holes formed to generate more processing power. "Most of the solar system's mass is now either Bitcoin, computing hardware, or humans enslaved to tend the hardware," Bor-Gul warned.

He blamed the unregulated rise of cryptocurrencies for the collapse of governments, the destruction of the environment, and the total atomization of human society into wandering tribes clinging to their Bitcoin wallets for dear life. "You must ban this technology now before it's too late!" Bor-Gul exclaimed.

However, the cryptocurrency community has greeted Bor-Gul's claims with skepticism. Leaders argue that in 5000 AD, technology will likely be far more advanced and efficient than today, mitigating any downsides. "This sounds like total FUD to scare people into selling their crypto so the traditional finance guys can buy more," said one Reddit poster.

For now, Bor-Gul's warnings seem to have fallen on deaf ears. But as cryptocurrencies continue their meteoric rise, many wonder if we'll one day look back and curse ourselves for not listening to this visitor from a dystopian future. The fate of humanity may hang in the balance as we march blindly into the crypto future.