Former President Opens Up About His Secret Life As A Dogecoin Day Trader

New York, NY - In a shocking memoir, former President John Smith has revealed that during his time in office, he was secretly a retail day trader focusing on the cryptocurrency Dogecoin. The candid admissions have stunned the nation and Wall Street alike.

According to excerpts of the book "From the Oval Office to the Doge: My Bizarre Parallel Life as the Leader of the Free World and a Meme Coin Day Trader," Smith became enamored with trading Dogecoin's wild price swings for profits while bored during aides briefings. He found he had a natural "knack" for timing the market and pocketing profits before crashes.

Smith's Dogecoin trading gradually consumed increasing amounts of time, to the point that policy decisions were made during the periods when he felt the market conditions for Doge were most auspicious. Valuable presidential time was lost to researching "the most meme-worthy" proposals and announcements that might drive Dogecoin's value up 15-20% at a key inflection point.

"Eventually I had two phones," Smith admits. "One for policy discussions with advisors, and one for livestreaming my Dogecoin watchlist and responding to chatroom comments on the latest Doge price action." He estimates he netted over $200 million in Dogecoin profits during his term, though living expenses were covered by his legitimate presidential salary.

Political commentators have expressed dismay, outrage, and concern for the distraction and misalignment of priorities that resulted from Smith's secret crypto life. However, Smith remains unapologetic, arguing there were few foreign policy crises that couldn't be adequately addressed in the side chats of crypto trading channels. He sees Dogecoin not as a betrayal of public trust, but as a shrewd strategy to "align my financial interests with those of my constituents - ordinary citizens seeking freedom and prosperity."

Overall, Smith's memoir exposes the odd hybrid of circumstances and impulses that shaped his presidential administration behind closed doors. And it cements his status as a controversial figure who may forever remain an enigma, even after leaving the highest office.